an-open-letter-to-those-committing-adulteryDear Child of God,

I am writing you today to share with you a deep concern I have for you and those who love you very much. From the title of this letter, you know what this is in regards to, but I ask you give me a chance to help you understand my concern. No, this is not going to be a letter meant to make you feel bad about your current situation. So, before I share, I want you to know you are loved, and God can use you in mighty ways. You have a chance to be a hero. Let me explain.

As a pastor, sometimes I am privileged to have impromptu conversations of deep spiritual significance. I can tell you that there are times when people open up with me about their deep hurts, frustrations, and disappointments. From time to time, I can sense that they are holding back and not fully telling me what is on their minds. This is common and there is nothing inherently wrong with this idea. On several occasions, I have interacted with men and women who have felt betrayed, and deeply hurt by people they have developed intimate trust with, and who have abandoned that trust. In the largest percentage of cases, it is because their spouse has been caught in an affair.

Like I told you in the beginning of my letter, I am not writing this to scold you, because I have a feeling you can guess what my views on this would be. Also, I can imagine that you have gone through some self-hatred of your own. This is not my place. I am just here to tell you what I know.

First, I want to ask that you repent and seek a renewed relationship with your mate. I know this sounds insane right now, and there may have been words said that have hurt both of you deeply, but let me tell you what I see from my perspective. When I speak with a spouse of a person who is involved in adultery, I notice that they not only deal with pain from the event, but also self-loathing. Why you ask? Because in many cases, there are thoughts that lead them to believe that your actions are their fault. This breaks my heart. Sure, we could have a discussion about how you both have been “drifting apart” and they no longer “meet your needs”, but we can both agree that you still have the ability to make your own decisions. I acknowledge that it can be more complicated than this, but just know that people can be drastically transformed by Jesus. Keep that in mind.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Sex.

Friend, I am here to tell you that we were made for this action and it is okay to desire enjoyment from it. In fact, we are encouraged in scripture to do what we can to help our mate find fulfillment in this area. The problem is, we are called to be second in this act. If everything works the way it should, your spouse’s enjoyment will lead to a more fulfilling experience for you. Here is another thing. No one is better equipped to satisfy you in this area than the one God has ordained for you. Are you afraid God didn’t ordain this union? Well, let me also mention that God ordains covenant love. This is the kind of love that is built on trust and commitment.  Plus, you could potentially have the rest of your life to fall more deeply in love and grow. To me, that is exciting.

So, as I am pleading with you to seek steps to reconcile and turn your life around. If you have already divorced, I encourage you seek a civil reconciliation so that there is no animosity between you both.

God is in the amazing business of grace and mercy. As you get closer to Him together, you will feel fulfilled and joyful in the context of your relationship. The opposite posture breeds bitterness, shame, and anger.

You are incredibly loved, and every drop of blood that Jesus shed was for deliverance. You can be delivered, and just imagine what kind of testimony you will have when God restores you. I am excited for you to be productive for the kingdom in this area.

Thank you for listening. I know I am just another pastor, and it seems like I am wagging my finger, but I really want you to know my heart. You can be free. I promise.

Break the chains friend. The first step is the hardest.

If you need to talk, I am here. I won’t judge you, but I will listen.

Love you all

-Landon DeCrastos

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